Wednesday, 24 August 2011

buds' reads : Mommy Wars by Leslie Morgan Steiner

Buds_chubs has been good so buds got to do some light reading and wanna share this enjoyable book written by some twenty-six outspoken writer moms on their choices when it came to their lives, their families and their children. You see.. in every household, the crunch time comes (as to whether the mother stays home or continues working) once a baby (or babies) is added to the family. I personally find that somehow it is therapeutic to read how others go through it too... how they worked the kinks out eventually... and that we mommies, are definitely not alone. A great read for new mothers... seasoned mothers... all mothers! As for the fathers, read if you dare to be entwined around the minds of powerful women.. you may jolly well already have one in your home right now.

MOMMY WARS by Lesley Morgan. I borrowed my copy @ Woodlands Regional Library recently during one of my quiet afternoons with the baby. Free aircon was another major reason on top of wanting to catch up on an old hobby... light reading. Light reading for me refers to a good read that perks me up even during the day and keeps me in smiles just reminiscing its contents. Generally this kinda light reading helps make my day and transcends to everyone in the family having a great day definitely. Kekekkee.. Reading this book freshens up perspectives... on the lives of other mothers... working ones and stay home ones alike. Heck.. even the work from home ones and the part-timers too. The book takes readers on a journey of power women; some forced upon into motherhood and also reluctant mothers who eventually nestled in their roles triumphantly. In short, the book takes readers on the ride that whatever choices we make are the ones that works for us and ideally... the decisions that make us happy. Mothers should come together and unite, not be at war amongst ourselves or within ourselves; with the choices we make or have made.

Here's why every mom should read this book :

I could empathise with Catherine Clifford when she wrote, "A good mother is a good mother, working or not, just as a crummy one is crummy whether she's home all the time or hardly at all..." and "I am lucky that i can live, albeit with sizeable skimping, on one salary. I'm fortunate to have a husband who does as much housework as i do, not only live for his kids (and me) but is also a full partner in raising and wrangling them."

And i could feel the emotional scarring when Lesley Morgan wrote about her bitter first marriage, ".... some scars never heal, but the wounds don't kill you either. Being responsible for my life, my children, my choices sustains me in my darkest hours.." and i laughed hilariously when she shared, "Oh yeah, no sleep here either. Last night, Morgan kicked me all night, Max peed on me and when i woke up at 5am, Perry wanted to have sex." This time remarried with 2 kids with her second husband.

I read and cried together with Monica Buckley Price as a zillion thoughts razed through her mind, " The diagnosis hadn't changed him at all. He was exactly the same child i'd left that morning. But now, a new word -autism- was part of him, our future... suddenly i had a new career : Rescuing Wills."

I could feel the happiness when Terri Minsky casually asked her son while they were walking together, "Would you have wanted me to work or be at home?" His reply was simple,"I would have wanted you to do what made you happy."

Happy mommies translates to a happier family. So... what kinda mommy are you? This book sets me thinking on the kind of mommy i was. Lemme think now...

For me... i like to see myself as a cool mommy. Easy going... happy go lucky... take things calmly and in stride.. err.. try to. Having said that, it doesn't mean i don't get to do my fair share of nagging and more nagging... hehehee... and yes scolding too. But hey! They asked for it! LOL!

I've made many different choices in my life with the 3 children and i've played the different roles of mommy. First child i was a full-time working mommy who loved working immensely and couldn't fathom the thought of staying home. Money was good.. top of the ladder was within reach.. my mumsie cared for the baby. Happy? Yes!! Until mumsie sorta had frequent hot flushes = menopausal signs. Tendered resignation a coupla times but eventually worked out with the understanding of an extremely patient and super cool boss.

Second time around was harder as hubs was always not around... transferred to new dept... busy at work... came home really late, if he came home at all... and the stays with ILs were very very very hard... and painful, to the post effect of scarring my otherwise happy life. Relationship with the man strained but with the girls... super tight... ... we were like the all-girls-team. Work became crazy, boss became cuckoo of a sudden, so i decided to sack my boss. HARDEST decision ever.. New chapter began. I was going to be a stay home mommy. Nope. Not sure i could. I couldn't. I missed working so much, i worked out a way to work part-time and eventually, from home. Happy now? Yes!!!

Third and hopefully final time with buds_chubs... being a stay home mommy cum continuing to work from home mommy seems ideal and most happy decision. Plus with our own nest (finally...), everything sorta came into place. Relationship with the man never better.. the girls happier.. the boy... sigh... super pampered. :P

Not every day runs up good.. i mean some days could definitely be better, but i choose to stay in focus and remember i'm the cool mommy.. calm.. collected.. steady pom pi pi.. yes, so if you do see me, i'm me, the mommy... all cool and dressed up to the nines, my Nicole Richie shades never leaving me.. shopping and dining out parading my three beautiful children. Happy now? Yes.. happiest!

Whatever our choices are... remember we are the backbone that keeps the family in check and in tip-top shape. Regardless of whether one is a briefcase bearer or a stroller pusher, the choices we make are truly for the best interests of our own family. We care enough to make these choices, cause we are - MOMMY. Mother to our children, wives to our husbands ... the support behind their success stories and the loving arms for the downfalls... and yet still uniquely our own person.

To all mommies out there, celebrate motherhood the way you are happy with - Happy Mother's Day.

Love, buds.

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