Tuesday, 15 January 2013

What the children are thinking and saying...

Have you ever wondered what our children think or normally talk about with their friends in school? Is it about the never-ending homework... or about teachers who don't teach... or about their friends.. or perhaps about how they have to deal with the bullies in school everyday.. or perhaps what they think of you?

Yes. Just like us always discussing stuff about our children, they are doing the exact same thing. DD1 came back one day, airing her body before taking her shower and was telling DD2 a conversation she had with her classmate in the school toilet that day.

DD1 : You won't be able to guess what I found out today?

DD2 : What? Tell lah..

DD1 : It's so funny, I tell you. All this while I thought we are the only ones...

DD2 : Hurry up already!

DD1 : I was washing my hands in the toilet when Amy came out of a cubicle and she said, "Hey, you're on toilet break too?"

"Yah." I answered.

Amy : Hey, wait up for me ok.

DD1 : Sure thing.

After she washed her hands, and we were about to exit the toilet she said she had to run back in to check if she left anything. I walked a little slower so she'd catch up. While she was panting, Amy said this. "Sigh. I've become paranoid."

DD1 : Why?

Amy : Every time I exit the toilet I feel like I left something behind or I must've forgotten to wash my hands or something. Sigh.

DD1 : Why like that? 

Amy : My parents lah. Especially my dad. He's annoying.

DD1 : Wanna talk about it?

Amy : Sure why not, I bet my dad is the only one who is like that aniwaes.

He keeps nagging at me to cap the toothpaste properly, pick up my undies from above the toilet tank/(cistern), pick up my clothes from the floor, turn off the heater, turn off the light, why the clothes still there after I asked you to pick them up, brush your hair properly you're a girl for God's sake!.. nag.. nag.. nag.. annoying with a capital A. Sigh.

DD1 : Your dad too?

Amy : Whaddya mean too? Your dad's like that too?

DD1 :   Yeah... Same. Exactly the same. No wait... maybe worse. Sometimes it is not that I'm not going to pick my clothes up or anything. I just want to settle myself like dress up and all, then I would do one shot.. take the underwear, pick up the clothes on the floor, hang the towel blah blah blah... but before I could, there he goes nagging. Like your dad also. Same. How come our dad's same wan arh? 

Oh mine would also go, you think money grow on trees is it.. when he catches me out of the room with the fan on for a moment so that I could hang my towel and put away the stuff he just yelled at me to do. 

Amy : Wah seh. Same leh. What's with them arh? Haiyah. 

DD1 : Dunno lah. My mom would crack that same joke about us being better off with just leaves just like the cave people used to cover what's important on our bodies so nothing to pick up from the floor or toilet tank, no need to wash or hang dry, no need to fold.. ya da ya da ya daa..

So, like you.. I am now quite automatic I guess thanks to all that incessant nagging bah..

No chance for him to nag at me over and over again.

Amy : I bet your dad doesn't do this! My dad will never give chance wan arh.. He even pasted reminders all over the house so that I won't forget.

Like a "Don't forget to turn off the heater and lights after shower." at the switch near our bathroom door.

Then there's that, "Remember to pick up your underwear before you leave the toilet."

Or like, "Did you remember to turn off the fan before you leave your room?"

It's soooo embarrassing you know! I dare not ask anyone come over my place!

DD1 : Waaahh.. lucky my dad not like that. Phew.

At this moment, hubs and I couldn't withstand our giggles any longer so hubs quipped. "I could be more hardworking and do those poster reminders for you as well. You just gave me a good idea! Thanks! Maybe that'll help you girls remember.... especially TO FLUSH THE TOILET after use! You think it's like those outside/public toilet issit? The ones that are automatic?"

DD1 & DD2 : Daaaaddd! Nooooo! Please don't!

After hubs went away quite satisfied that he now has a new idea and an upper hand... I sat down with the girls and said, "Sorry, but we overheard your giggly girl talk cos you two were sooo animatedly sharing you didn't realize you were a little loud."

Me : By the way, did your friend remember better with all the notes her dad pasted for her? Meaning now she doesn't leave stuff on the floor and turns off electricity when not in use?

DD1 : No.

Okay, sorry.. sorry.. just buey-tahan (cannot take/stand it).. just had to laugh out loud!

Hokay now, on a serious note... I received a "reminder" or rather "we" (hubs and I) on one occasion when our own DD1 buey-tahan.
I reckon this very note she wrote was from uhmmm P3/P4, if I recall correctly.

In our family, when we find it hard to talk it out... or trash things out... we write it out. I encouraged it. This way we can purge bad energy & everything else embedded in there out of our system without having to have confrontational battles all the time (it's exhausting!).. followed by a cooling off period where both sides can reflect and come to a compromise. This way, both parties do not have to wonder what the other thinks in times of cold wars or cold shoulder treatment. We do not have to pretend to know by attempting to read each other's mind.

In every nagging episode, the "naggee" (the one being nagged at) is the one at the brunt of it. So, it is understandable that well, everyone who has ever been in the shoes of a naggee (so many times) can resonate to that I-have-just-about-had-it kinda feeling.

I pasted this VERY IMPORTANT REMINDER on our self-assigned designated post-it area : the fridge.

Did it help to serve a constant reminder about our awful nagging habits? Honestly? No leh.. I was somewhat conscious initially each time I opened my mouth to say something to her.

When I do just shoot off aniwaes sometimes or vice versa (hubs is definitely guilty of this crime too!), we'll remind each other with one important word. "Wei (hello)... REFRAIN."

With that episode over and done with, I learnt to "ask" instead of nag. As opposed to nag, asking came with a fortunate disclaimer. The question mark. So that worked for a bit. Teheeheee.. For a year.. mebbe more. 
Just when I thought asking was well... uhmmm better... I kenna (was hit) by another "note". *faintz*

Granted it was more a plea (Like save me! I am drowning!) than anything negative, I wrote back assuringly of course. I'm not mean ok? I am after all, a mom.

Then just when I thought I would never get out of my dark tunnel (I had to deal with an angsty teenager when she was only 9 years old!).... this revelation came about a few months back.

I'm not that bad a mom, eh?

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